Three Character Traits and the Test of Ramadan

A few weeks ago I was reading a book called “The Collapse of Parenting” by Leonard Sax. The book was rather alarming because it pointed to some disturbing parenting trends coupled with a lack of discipline with respect to our newer technology- screens and the internet. Leonard Sax is a pediatrician and he bases his observations on thirty years of clinical practice as well as citing studies in the medical literature. Some people say Sax approach to parenting is rather traditional, but I like it. Many of the qualities Sax urges parents to instill in their children are qualities which Islam and the Quran also value. SO my khutbah today will be an exploration of three character traits which Leonard Sax says are crucial to the development of healthy young adults and how these traits are manifested during Ramadan.

The first trait is perseverance. Sax believes if children are not taught perseverance they become fragile children who turn into fragile adults. Children need to learn that they may not succeed the first time they try something, they may need to be patient and work harder to achieve goals, and that their self worth is not built around easy success. He gives two examples, one is a boy who plays video games all day and has a certain measure of accomplishment doing this. His father suggests that he try out for the football team. The boy does, but is told by the coach that he will have to lose 15 pounds, do a rigorous work out schedule and may not be on the starting team. The boy decides not to try out and returns to his video games because that is easier for him. The father lets the boy do so with the refrain, “He should do what makes him happy.” This attitude is, Sax feels, bad parenting because the boy is not learning perseverance. Another example is a girl who takes a challenging AP Physics class. The girl had always gotten straight As and saw herself as a stellar scholar. She started the AP Physics class and it was not easy for her. She really had to struggle even to get a B. This experience plunged her into a near catatonic state of depression because her whole self-worth and identity had been built around this image of herself as the super brainy student. This extreme reaction to a bit of challenge is what Sax calls “fragility”.

Does the Quran value perseverance? Yes it does, and I will give some examples. Sometimes, the word used is “steadfast”.

"Seek Allah's help with patient perseverance and prayer. It is indeed hard except for those who are humble." (2:45)

"Oh you who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere." (2:153)

“Be sure We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives, and the fruits of your toil. But give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who say, when afflicted with calamity, 'To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return.' They are those on whom descend blessings from their Lord, and mercy. They are the ones who receive guidance." (2:155-157)

“Or assumed you that you would enter the Garden while God has not yet know those who struggled among you and known the ones who remained steadfast?” (3:142)

“Oh you who believe! Persevere in patience and constancy. Vie in such perseverance, strengthen each other, and be pious, that you may prosper." (3:200)

"Patiently, then, persevere - for the Promise of Allah is true, and ask forgiveness for your faults, and celebrate the praises of your Lord in the evening and in the morning." (40:55)

How does perseverance manifest itself during Ramadan? Well, it seems self-evident, we have 30 days to fast. And at this time of year, the days get slightly longer and it can be really hot outside. You have to be careful and pace yourself because dehydration can be a real problem. Fasting is about endurance, which isn’t terribly glamorous. It’s about hanging on with sheer willpower, and that is tough. Ramadan is not just about fasting, it is also supposed to be fasting while maintaining patience with others and having good behavior. This is not easy when you are hungry and thirsty. It is really easy to get angry and snap at people, much harder to maintain calm and have patience. Also, with our schedules in the West, we often don’t get enough sleep during the week and have to struggle doing our jobs while sleep deprived in addition to being hungry and thirsty. Sometimes people can’t fast because of medical or other health considerations. Sometimes people have to break a fast for these reasons. Just because you can’t fast does not mean you are a bad Muslim. Many people feel very guilty if they can’t fast, and they shouldn’t. Your identity as a Muslim is not solely based on whether you can fast or not. Don’t  be a fragile Muslim.

The second quality good parents should teach their children is self control. This character quality is reinforced by psychological research which has shown that children who have the most self control, this is tested by how long they can delay getting a reward (delayed gratification), these children have the highest success in life as measured by education and income levels.

A big problem with our Western technological society today is that the internet and social media do not encourage self control. These technologies encourage excess and binge-watching and instant gratification in the form of “likes” and numbers of followers. Most of use grew up in environments where television was only on for certain times of the day, and certainly, when children’s programming was only a small portion of that time. Today, children have access 24/7 to any show that appeals to their tastes and the only thing that restricts them is parental authority. If parents do not implement rules and restraint with regards to screen time, children will not learn self control. Social media does not teach self restraint.

Does the Quran value self control or self restraint? Yes does it, and I will give some examples but first some language and translation caveats. Sometimes the language that is used is for self control is translated as “purify” or “purification”. The other word that is used in Quran is “sabr” which is translated in a variety of ways but typically as “God consciousness” or “God fearing” but which I think you could interchange with self control or self restraint. 

"No one will be granted such goodness except those who exercise patience and self-restraint, none but persons of the greatest good fortune." (41:35)

“And as for him who fears to stand in the presence of his Lord and forbids his own soul from its whims and caprices then surely Paradise is the abode. (79:40-41)

“…and by the soul and what shaped it and then inspired it to its acting immorally and God-consciousness. He who makes it (the soul) pure prospers. Surely is frustrated whoever seduced it.” (91:7-10)

How does self control manifest itself during Ramadan. Well, the Quran spells that out pretty clearly:

“O those who have believed! Formal fasting was prescribed for you as it was presecribed for those before you so that perhaps you would be Godfearing.” (2:183)

The final quality which Leonard Sax says parents need to inculcate into their children is humility. Children need to know that they are not necessarily the best at something, that the world does not revolve around them or cater to their tastes. Humility is the building block to maturity and acknowledging the needs of others as well as the community as a whole.

Again to bash our preoccupation with social media (creator of  the "selfie": social media encourages self promotion and self aggrandizement and pairs this activity with a vision of self identity based on how many “friends” you have (quantity over quality) or “likes” you get on your Facebook page.

Does the Quran value humility? Please judge for yourself from this small selection of verses:

“The servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them, they say words of peace.” (25:63)

“Call to your Lord humbly and inwardly. Truly He loves not the ones who are aggressors.” (7:55)

“Before thee We sent (apostles) to many nations, and We afflicted the nations with suffering and adversity, that they might learn humility. When the suffering reached them from us, why then did they not learn humility? On the contrary their hearts became hardened, and Satan made their (sinful) acts seem alluring to them.” (6:42-43)

I would also like to add a nice hadith I came across:

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “No one who has the weight of a seed of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise.”  Someone said, “Indeed, a man loves to have beautiful clothes and shoes.” So the Prophet said,”Verily, Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people.” Sahih Muslim 91

Does humility play a role in Ramadan? This is not as obvious as the previous traits, but I think it does. I find it humbling that at the end of the day, when we break our fast, we have pure clean water to drink and good food to eat. Sadly, this is not the case in so many parts of this world. We have been blessed by Allah in this regard. While fasting, it is humbling to know how dependent my body is on food and water. I realize, pretty quickly, that I have limits. I cannot”do it all”, and I must slow down. Some things in Ramadan just don’t get done, and that is ok. I find it very humbling when non-Muslims make a solidarity fast with me. They don’t have to fast, but they see the value in fasting and they want to show they respect me and my religion. I find it humbling when I drive by a sign in someone’s yard that says, “To our Muslim neighbors, Blessed Ramadan”. For many people, who we are and how we behave, our personal interaction with non-Muslims—that is their introduction to Islam. It is a very humbling feeling to know that your behavior represents Islam for those outside the religion.

In conclusion, Ramadan can be a great teacher. Ramadan can instill in us the character qualities of perseverance, self control and humility. These are not easy lessons by any means, but as Muslims who believe in delayed gratification, we think these qualities will help us in this life and in the next.

Ramadan Khutbah

I want to talk today about Ramadan and fasting.  I know you are thinking, “One more Khutbah about Ramadan?  Please…”  But my focus is a little different this time.  I’d like to talk more specifically about our practice of fasting here in America, and how we can look to the history of our faith for “clues” about how we understand its meaning.

I will begin with a story about the journey of fasting in my own family.  I am taking the liberty, with my wife’s permission, of sharing her experience with this pillar of the faith over the years.  She has struggled with fasting since adopting Islam over thirty years ago.  Every year she has tried to fast, and it has been almost impossible for her to abstain from eating and drinking all day, especially in summer, with its 17-18 hours days.  She always felt discouraged and frustrated.  She would be almost incapacitated by dehydration.  Her body physiology was not used to the practice of abstaining, especially from water.  The challenge was not just physical, but also psychological.  The concept of fasting ran counter to everything she had always been taught about the need stay hydrated, especially in summer, and that eating small amounts of food every few hours was the best way to maintain energy and productivity.  On days when she had to work full time, she could not fast.  In spite of all that I encouraged her to fast to the best of her ability – not fast all day, drink water once or twice during the day – whatever she needed to do to get through and function.  She tried different ways over the years, but she always tried to fast.  And Alhamdulillah, to her surprise, she is finally able to fast all day, even in the summer. 

This journey is not unique to her.  We have to think of others who probably struggle with fasting like she has – other converts to Islam in America, children growing up, especially when they see that other people around them do not have to suffer like they do.  We should even think about other Muslims who decided to leave the faith for a time, but then come back to it, and who might find Islamic rituals difficult to follow, especially fasting and praying regularly.  We can go further and say that even for those of us who are used to fasting all our lives, we might find it challenging to keep the tradition while maintaining regular working hours, with everyone expecting us to perform “business as usual,” Ramadan or not.  Muslims in Islamic countries deal with the challenges of Ramadan by changing their life style and work expectations.  In Egypt, for example, no one is expected to do much during Ramadan.  For them, everything is “Baad il Eid,” which means, “After Eid.”  I wish we could do that here, but we cannot, and honestly, we should not.  I remember when I fasted Ramadan for the first time in America, I felt that I had never fasted before in Egypt.  It was so easy in Egypt.  No struggle, it was fun.  But here, having to work long the same long hours every day, it was a challenge.

This leads to the second part of my Khutbah.  Is there anything in the experience of the first Muslims that we can refer to, to inspire us through our challenges with fasting in America?  The concept of fasting in Ramadan as we now know it developed over time in Madinah.  When Prophet Muhammad, pbuh came to Madinah, he found that the Jews were fasting the day of Passover to celebrate the exodus of Prophet Mousa and his followers from Egypt.  He said, “Mousa is our prophet too,” so he decided to fast that day and asked his followers to fast as well.  Sometime during the first year in Madinah, Allah revealed to Prophet Muhammad Ayat 183-184 of Surat Al-Baqara, asking the Muslims to fast three specific days –the 13^th, 14^th, and 15^th days of every month.  (This later became a tradition of the Prophet for fasting outside of Ramadan.)  Allah also mentioned in these ayat that those who find it difficult to fast do not have to fast, and they could provide a meal to a needy person in Madinah instead.  The rule was general, without any limitations.  It was left up to each Muslim to decide for himself or herself whether or not they could fast.  Allah also mentioned that if someone was sick or traveling, they should not fast, and make up those days later, after Ramadan, whenever possible.

Sometime later, within the first two years in Madinah, Ayah 185 was revealed, asking the Muslims to fast the entire month of Ramadan.  The ayah confirmed to everyone that those who find it difficult should not exhaust themselves by fasting.

It was the month of Ramadan in which the Qur’an was first bestowed from on high as a guidance unto man and a self-evident proof of that guidance, and as the standard by which to discern the true from the false.  Hence, whoever of you lives to see this month shall fast throughout it; but he that is ill, or on a journey, shall fast instead for the same number of other days.  God wills that you shall have ease, and does not will you to suffer hardship; but He desires that you complete the number of days required and that you extol God for His having guided you aright, and that you render your thanks unto Him. [2:185]

What a beautiful ayah – a beautiful concept.  Allah wants us to fast, but not to have hardship.  Why?  Because fasting, like all Islamic rituals, has a purpose.  The rituals are not just “Faraid,” - rules to be followed - they are pathways to Allah.  They are there to help us stay on that path.  Hardship might compromise that concept, making us focus more on getting through it at any price, with the risk of losing perspective.  It is worth pointing out here that “fasting” in Arabic - sawm - means literally “to abstain from something.”  For example, in Surat Maryam, God conveyed to Maryam that she should tell the people  

“Behold, abstinence from speech have I vowed to the Most Gracious; hence I may not speak today to any mortal.” [19:26]

When the Muslims began fasting in Madinah, they followed different rules from those we follow today – this was the third phase of fasting.  They ate at sunset.  They were allowed to eat and drink as long as they stayed awake, but if they went to sleep, they would not eat or drink until the next day at sunset.  Some of the commentators say that they believed that was the way the other people of the book, (Jews and Christians) fasted at that time, as Allah said in Ayah 183:

O You who have attained to faith!  Fasting is ordained for you as it was ordained for those before you, so that you might remain conscious of God. [2:183]

Most of the Muslims went to sleep after they prayed Isha, especially when they prayed with the Prophet, in order to be able to get up early for Fajr prayer.  Some of the Muslims could not follow that rule, and were not strict in observing it (including, believe it or not, Omar ibn Khattab).  One day, one of the Prophet’s companions named Sarma ibn Malik, who was a farm worker, inspired another revelation regarding fasting.  He came home at the end of the day with some dates from the field where he worked.  He told his wife, “I do not want to eat dates tonight.  Dates have ‘burned my stomach.’   Take these dates and trade them for something warm to eat.”  He was too tired to stay awake, so he fell asleep.  When his wife came back she woke him up to eat, but he was afraid to, not wanting to violate the rule.  The next day he went to work.  At the end of the day, Prophet Muhammad saw him at the mosque and asked him “What happened to you, you look pale and sick.”  So Sarma ibn Malik told him what happened.  That night, Gibrael came to Prophet Muhammad with Ayah 187 from Surat Al-Baqara, revising the rule of fasting, telling the Muslims that they can eat and drink whenever they want from sunset to dawn.  What is more intriguing in this ayah (Al Baqara 187), is that Allah stated that He knew some of the Muslims were, literally, “cheating” (“takhtanouna anfusakum”).

Allah was not angry with them, but merciful.  He forgave them and lifted that hardship.  There is a wonderful story from the Seerah which illustrates this forgiveness as practiced by the Prophet.  A man came to Prophet Muhammad and said “I am burning in hellfire.  I intentionally broke my fast during the day yesterday.  What should I do?”  The Prophet waited for awhile, according to his companions, waiting for an answer from Allah (as was the case many times in Seerah).  Then he asked for the man to come back to him.  The Prophet had a good sense of humor as well.  He said, “Where is the man on fire?”  The man came back.  The Prophet then said, “Here is what you have to do.  Ask Allah for forgiveness, free a slave.”  The man answered, “I do not have any.”  The Prophet answered, “Then fast for two successive months.”  The man answered, “I cannot.”  The Prophet then said, “Then feed 60 needy people from Madinah.”  The man said, “I cannot.”  The Prophet waited a little bit.  Then a man came with a pot full of dates and gave them to the Prophet to give to the man as a Sadaqa (act of charity).  The Prophet gave it to him and said, “Find 60 needy people in Madinah and feed them these dates.”  The man finally said, “Prophet Muhammad, in this city I am poorer than anyone else.”  Prophet Muhammad laughed out loud and told him, “Go home and feed your family with these dates.”  Just like that.  No hardship, absolute forgiveness and mercy.  Prophet Muhammad understood this poor man’s good intention and solid faith, and never questioned it.

The last thing I want to mention is a fun and interesting fact.  If you think that fasting these past few years has been hard because Ramadan has been in the summer, I would say that it could have been worse.  Ramadan could have fallen during the summer every year.  Let me explain.  Ramadan, in Arabic, is from the root word “Ramada” which literally means “sizzling hot.”  Before Islam, in the time of Jahiliyya, Ramadan correlated with the middle of summer, when it was extremely hot in Makkah.  Before Islam, the Arabs used a lunisolar calendar, just like the Jewish calendar now.  They intercalated the calendar by adding three months every seven years (3, 6, 8) to make up the difference between the solar year and the lunar year.  They did that because it was to their advantage to correlate the months with the seasons.  The most important month for them was the season of Hajj, in the month of “Thor Al Hijja.”  They wanted Hajj to be in the fall season, after their summer trading journey to the north, which was the most important one. They wanted the trade season to precede the Hajj season so they would have goods to trade during Hajj, a big commercial event.  In the year 9 Hijra, Surah At-Tawba (#9) was revealed to Prophet Muhammad, especially Ayah 37, where Allah prohibited the Muslims from doing any future intercalation.  Since then, the months of the Hijjra calendar rotate through the different seasons.  Ramadan now falls in summer, spring, winter and fall. 

Day 16

The title of my khutbah is "Day 16"

We are at Ramadan Day 16, a little past the half way mark, full moon in the sky. We are well past Mercy (the first ten days) and not yet near Salvation From Hellfire (last ten days), instead we are smack dab in the middle of Forgiveness. Now all three aspects of Ramadan, mercy, forgiveness, salvation, all three represent domains where God expresses preferences, and we, as humans, have no way of knowing whether we have obtained God’s mercy or forgiveness or salvation from hell until it is pretty much too late to do anything about it. Humans have no control over God’s blessings.

Humans do have control over their own decisions. So we can decide how much mercy we want to give other people, or how much forgiveness or how we might try and make someone’s life easier or more miserable- particularly if we work at the BMV.

Forgiveness is a very tricky area for me, a vast array of gray zones.  We are told that we ought to be forgiving. Some religions- such as Christianity- define themselves by the unobstructed ability to forgive. Health professionals tell us forgiveness is good for our bodies. But in our culture, forgiveness is often underrated. I myself do not trust people who are too quick to forgive or too quick to apologize. I feel that they have not had time to process the complex feelings that go along with betrayal, abuse, and exploitation. I know a women 70 years old who will tell me, as though it happened yesterday, the sexual abuse she suffered as a teenager. For some people, it may take a lifetime to forgive. We need to be respectful for that time. The Dixie Chicks sing,

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I'm not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt

There's nothing left for me to figure out

I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

I'm still mad as hell, and I don't have time

To go 'round and 'round and 'round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

'Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is

You think I should”

-Dixie Chicks from their song “Not Ready to Make Nice”

It is also easier to forgive when you know the person that hurt you is not in a position to hurt you again. Just because you are ready to forgive does not mean your abuser will stop hurting you.

Another problem with forgiveness is that sometimes I am not sure what I did wrong, what in my behavior has made the other person so angry or hostile towards me.  I am not the only one with this problem. In Surah 80, ‘Abasa,  “He Frowned”, God upbraids Prophet Muhammad for bad behavior. 

This is a very early Meccan surah. The tradition behind it was Prophet Muhammad was having an important conversation with some extremely influential chiefs of the Meccan tribes. He was hoping that by convincing the chieftans, the rest of the Mecca population would convert to monotheism. During this conversation, Prophet Muhammad was approached by one of his followers, a blind man named Ibn Umm Maktum who had some questions about the Quranic revelations. Instead of answering this handicapped, likely unimportant, member of the community, Muhammad frowned and turned away from him, resuming his conversation with the big-wigs.  He was soon given this revelation.

“He frowned and turned away because the blind man approached him! Yet for all thou didst know, he might perhaps have grown in purity or have been reminded and helped by this reminder. Now as for him who believes himself to be self-sufficient- to him didst thou give thy whole attention, although thou art not accountable for his failure to attain purity, but as for him who came unto thee full of eagerness and in awe (of God)- him didst though disregard!

       Nay, verily, these (messages) are but a reminder, and so, whoever is willing may remember Him, in revelations blessed with dignity, lofty and pure, by the hands of messengers noble and virtuous.” (80:1-16)

In later years, Prophet Muhammad often greeted Ibn Umm Maktum with these humble words, “Welcome unto him on whose account my Sustainer has rebuked me.”

Now unlike me, when Prophet Muhammad made a mistake, God let him know through a revelation. This was not the only time Prophet Muhammad made a mistake while trying to persuade the powerful, intractable people of his truth. In Surah 53, An-Najm, the Star, also revealed in Mecca, the original ayah was rather conciliatory and is recorded in the tafsir of Ibn Ishaq, Ibn Hisham, and al-Tabari:

“Have ye considered Al-Lat and Al-‘Uzzá and Manāt, the third, the other? These are the exalted gharāniq, whose intercession is hoped for.”

 (the meaning of gharaniq is a bit unclear and is used only once in Quran. May refer to high flying birds, such as cranes, eagles, or hawks).

The Meccan pagans were very relieved to hear this- it meant their goddesses could intervene with Allah. This was just the kind of compromise they were looking for, and some pagans even joined in a sujud at the end of the surah. The pagans stopped persecuting the Muslims, and those who had fled to Abyssinia began making plans to come home.  However, this ayat was later changed to something far less diplomatic.

“Have you , then, ever considered Al-Lat, and Al-Uzza and Manat, the third and last? Why for yourselves male offspring, whereas to Him female, that, lo and behold, is an unfair division! These (goddesses) are nothing but empty names which you have invented- you and your forefathers- for which God has bestowed no warrant from on high. They (who worship them) follow nothing but surmise and their own wishful thinking, although right guidance has now indeed come unto them from their Sustainer. (53:20-23).

The persecution of Muslims started back up and Muhammad had to find a different option: rather than compromise his revelation, he migrated to Medina. 

In the early Meccan years, whenever Prophet Muhammad tried to placate the powerful pagan elite, God would send him a revelation that would demand the Prophet not compromise His truth.  Did God forgive Prophet Muhammad for his mistakes? I’m sure God did because, after these inserted verses, the same tradition states that God sent Muhammad this revelation:  'We never sent any apostle or prophet before you but that, when he longed, Satan cast into his longing. But God abrogates what Satan casts in, and then God puts His verses in proper order, for God is all-knowing and wise.' [Q.22:52]  

Prophet Muhammad had taqwa, God consciousness. He could hear the voice that made no sound, in the revelations, in the commandments, and in forgiveness.

Can we listen to a voice that has no sound? I think we can, not to the extent that the Prophet could, but I think all humans have the ability to have God consciousness within themselves and during the month of Ramadan we have particular opportunities to develop our taqwa further.  I would like to talk about that in the second part.  

PAUSE

Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ‘ala ‘abdika wa rasoolika Muhammadin sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, wa ‘ala alihi wa sabhibi ajma’een. O Allah! Let Your prayer, Your peace, and Your blessings be upon Your servant and Your messenger Muhammad, and upon his family and all his companions.

I’d first like to talk about the definition of taqwa. For me, taqwa is the little voice inside us that tells us when we have done something wrong. If we are sensitive to it we may feel guilt, or shame, or the overwhelming need to apologize. It is the inner sense we have of something being right or wrong. Some people call it a “moral compass”.  My favorite definition of taqwa is from Fazlur Rahman, who wrote,

“This unique balance of integrative moral action is what the Qur’an terms taqwa, perhaps the most important single term in the Qur’an. At its highest, it denotes the fully integrated and whole personality of man, the kind of ‘stability’ which is formed after all the positive elements are drawn in. The term is usually translated by the words ‘fear of God’ and ‘piety’. Though these terms are not wrong, Muslims are increasingly discarding the term ‘fear of God’ because they think the phrase misleading in view of the false picture, widely prevalent in the West until recently- and present even today- in the light of which ‘fear of God’ might be indistinguishable from, say, fear of a wolf. The root of the term, w-q-y-, really means ‘to guard or protect against something’ and it has also been used in this literal sense in the Qur’an.

   Hence taqwa means to protect oneself against the harmful or evil consequences of one’s conduct. If, then, by “fear of God’, one means fear of the consequences of one’s actions- whether in this world or in the next (fear of punishment of the Last Day)- one is absolutely right. In other words, it is the fear that comes from an acute sense of responsibility, here and in the hereafter, and not the fear of a wolf or an uncanny tyrant, for the God of the Qur’an has unbounded mercy- although He also wields dire punishment, both in this world and in the hereafter.” – pp 28-29, Major Themes of the Qur’an

One of the things the Quran tells us to do is to let that taqwa light shine, to not suppress it. If you are a person of taqwa, you will have plenty of rewards, in this life and the next.

I would like to suggest three Ramadan lessons that can help us strengthen our taqwa, each emphasizes the process of  forgiveness.

One thing you learn very quickly in Ramadan is that anger requires a lot of energy to maintain. In our well-fed North American society, we often don’t pay attention to that. We look at anger as invigorating, something that gives us energy, a fuel that will help us as we protest injustice or a creativity flame allowing us to make a new song about how our last boyfriend just dumped us (Taylor Swift). However, during Ramadan, you know you will not be able to make it through the day if you let anger burn through all your calories. You need to make a priority list of what is important to be angry about, and what, in the end, are just small things that you need to just let go. The world will not collapse if the line in the post office is moving slowly. To borrow from the health care profession terminology, Ramadan forces us to triage our anger.

The second lesson I have learned from Ramadan is that my decision making abilities, and my cognitive abilities in general, do suffer from food and sleep deprivation. Knowing that in particular contexts I am very liable to make mistakes means that I need to forgive myself when my judgment is impaired. And from forgiving myself, I can move on to forgiving others. I am impatient and snap at my children because I am fasting and ketonic. What about others who are in chronic pain? What about people who are suffering from some post-traumatic syndrome from something they have witnessed or experienced? We all make the best choices we can, given our level of information, cultural and historical circumstances, nutrition levels, sleep, etc. Sometimes these are not good choices, but if we attempt to understand where the other person is coming from and what that person might be experiencing- what led them to this decision, then perhaps we can be more forgiving of their poor choices.

The third lesson, although you might not have guessed it from the length of this khutbah, is that talking takes a lot of energy. It is much easier to remain silent, even in the face of being insulted, ridiculed, or put-upon. In the end, this silence will likely to translate into everyone getting along much better since the snarky remarks have been nutritionally sapped. And in this newly found calm, there are some good questions to ask oneself, “What are the words I truly need to say?” and  “How might my words impact others?”

I’d like to close with a du’a from 2:201

Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanatan wa fil’ akhirati hasanatan waqina ‘azaban-nar.

Our Lord! Grant us benevolence in this world and benevolence  in the hereafter, and protect us from the punishment of the fire. Amen

References

Quran translation: "The Message of the Qur'an" translated and explained by Muhammad Asad

Major Themes of the Qur’an by  Fazlur Rahman, 2nd Edition,(Kuala Lampur: 1989) Islamic Book Trust

Attitude Adjustment for Ramadan

A’uzu Billahi Min ash-Shaitain ir-Rajeem.

Bismillah ir-rahman ir-raheem.

Al Hamdu Lillahi Rabbil ‘Alameen.

Wasa’atu Wassalamu ‘Ala Muhammad wa ‘Ala Alihi was Sabhihi was Sallim

Ahmaduhu subhanahu wa Ta’ala wa ashkurhu wa Huwa Ahlul-Hamdi wath-thana.

I praise Him (Allah) the Exalted One and the High and I thank Him. It is He who deserves the praise and gratitude.

Ah-hamdu lillahi nahmaduhu wa nassta’eenuhu wa nasstaghfiruhu, wa natoobu ilayhi, wa na’oozu billahi min shurouri anfusina wa saiyaati a’maalina.

Praise be to Allah, we Praise Him and seek help from Him; we ask forgiveness from Him; we repent to Him, and we seek refuge in Him from our own evils and from our own bad deeds.

The name of my khutbah today is “Attitude Adjustment for Ramadan”

Ramadan will be starting tomorrow.  A lot of us have expectations for the month. Some may be looking forward to it, the time of spiritual renewal, introspection and increased prayers. Others may like the sense of community from iftar dinners and tarawih prayers. Some may be dreading the fasting period with the long hot days of summer and disrupted sleep cycles. While we may not share the same expectations for Ramadan, we all have expectations, and with those expectations comes a certain attitude, or a mind set. We have in our minds how things are going to play out and we have an attitude that corresponds with that outcome: hopefulness, happiness, socialbility, or dread.

In Surah 8, “The Spoils of War”, there is a big discussion about attitudes, and how these attitudes color our perception. This surah was revealed soon after the Battle of Badr, and there are ayahs which state that the God gave the Muslims a relaxed frame of mind before the battle in ayah 43:

“When Allah showed them unto thee in thy dream as few in number, and if He had shown them to thee as many, ye (Muslims) would have faltered and would have quarreled over the affair. But Allah saved (you). Lo! He knowth what is in the breasts (of people).“

What I think is interesting about the Battle of Badr, is that when the Muslims started out on this expedition, they thought it was going to be a straightforward caravan raid. However, the caravan was diverted and the Muslims soon found themselves facing a much larger armed force of Quraish. The Quran says in ayah 42:

“When ye were on the near bank (of the valley) and they were on the yonder bank, and the caravan was below you (on the coast plain), and ye trysted to meet one another ye surely would have failed to keep the tryst, but (it happened as it did, without the forethought of either of you) that Allah might conclude a thing that must done; that he who perished might perish by a clear proof, and he who survived might survive by a clear proof. Lo! Allah in truth is Hearer, Knower.”

Despite what the Muslims thought they were signing onto, God had different plans for them, and they had to, with God’s assistance, adjust their expectations and their attitudes accordingly. God wanted this battle to happen, as it says in Quran ayah 44:

“And when He made you (Muslims) when ye met (them) see them with your eyes as few, and lessened you in their eyes, it was that Allah might conclude a thing that much be done. Unto Allah all things are brought back.”

Sometimes we pick our own battles, but sometimes God picks our battles for us.  For example, something that has happened to me and to many of us here, and if it hasn’t happened to you yet, don’t worry it will, is that many of us have certain expectations for Ramadan and then something unexpected comes along which is completely beyond our control and that changes everything. It could be illness, travel plans, or some kind of emergency. At this point, it is very easy to feel “I have failed at my Ramadan.” Our expectations have been completely crushed and it is easy to take on a defeatist attitude. I would just like to say, “Please don’t feel that way. God has certain plans for your Ramadan, and those plans may not correspond to your plans. That’s ok, now you know it is time to readjust your expectations and your  attitude.”

One year, I was hit with some pretty serious health issues half way through Ramadan, and I was unable to finish out the month. I thought I had ‘failed’ my Ramadan. What I didn’t understand at the time, but which I learned much later, was that I learned some very valuable lessons during that Ramadan. The most important was the illness really showed me, in clear focus, what my life priorities were.

The past few Ramadans, I haven’t gotten sick, but usually a week before Ramadan something happens which ‘softens’ up my attitude. One year, there was a horrible car crash involving two Muslim teens followed a few days later by the birth of a friend’s daughter. These events reminded me of how precious my children are and how we never know how long they will grace us with their presence in our lives. During last year’s June storms, we lost all power and electricity to our home for four days. All the food in my refrigerator had to be thrown out. We worried about the basement flooding. We had a lot more free time on our hands without the screens and without being able to do housework. Losing electricity gave me a greater appreciation for the role of technology in our life and our home.  This year, I was attacked by a dog and got quite a few scratches, bruises, and bites.  I’m still trying to sort out some of these lessons, but I am amazed at my body’s resilience and healing powers.  So I guess what I am trying to say is that there are a lot of lessons to be learned from Ramadan, even if you don’t have the kind of Ramadan experience you expect.

How can we as Muslims best adjust our attitude? What is it that allows us to be influenced by God and let God’s grace into our hearts. I think one key can be found in Surah 8 ayah 55:

“Lo! the worst of creatures in Allah’s sight are the ungrateful and who will not believe.”

 Can gratitude influence the ability to believe? This is what I would like to talk about in the second half of the khutbah.

PAUSE

Allahumma salli ‘ala Muhammadin wa ‘ala alee Muhammad kama sallaita ‘ala Ibrahim wa ‘ala alee Ibrahim.

O Allah! Send Your greeting upon Muhammad and the family of Muhammad in as much as You sent your greeting upon Ibrahim and the family of Ibrahim.

Al-hamdu lillahi rabbil ‘alameen was-salutu was-salamu ‘ala khairil mursaleen. Muhammadin al-nabiyil ummiyee, wa  ‘ala alihi wa sahbihi ajma’een.

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the universe. May the greeting and the peace be upon the best messenger, Muhammad, the unlettered prophet, and upon his family and upon all of his companions.

“Lo! the worst of creatures in Allah’s sight are the ungrateful and who will not believe.”  To me, this ayah suggests that being ungrateful lays a foundation for disbelief.  In an earlier ayah from this same surah, we are told, “That is because Allah never changeth the grace He hath bestowed on any people until they first change that which is in their hearts, because Allah is Hearer, Knower” 8:53. If this is the case, the most vile creature is the ungrateful one, then the opposite might also be true “the best creature is the grateful one, “ or more to the point, a person who is grateful can acquire the ability to believe.  There is something about an attitude of gratitude that softens up our hearts and allows God to help us more.

In the context of Ramadan, Ramadan is, for some us – despite all the assurances of many blessings, is a chore. It is something we do because we are expected to do it. People tell us to do it. If we don’t do it, we feel like losers.

In my house, the kids do chores. Sometimes they complain about it, sometimes they don’t. But the reason I give my children chores is because the chores they do are actually helping them and the entire family. For instance, when I ask them to unload the groceries out of the car, yes that is helping me, but it is also helping them because that is their food. I can’t cook dinner if the groceries are in the car. By unloading the groceries, I will be able to cook them their dinner. Now does it matter to me if they complain about getting the groceries or if they are cheerful about it? Not really. I am going to cook their dinner whether they complain or whether they don’t complain.  And that is how I think Ramadan is, whether you complain about it or don’t complain, God is going to reward you. How much reward is going to depend on you. But the reward is only one part of the equation, that is the long term effect. In the meantime, there is the life you are living at the moment. Think about it this way: when you are unloading those groceries from the car, instead of complaining about the chore think about how fortunate you are to have food, how fortunate you are to have a car full of food which will be made into a delicious dinner. Think about how many people in the world do not have this luxury and thank God for blessing you and your family in this way.

The point is, if you can open your heart to gratitude, you will be able to open your heart to God, and with God’s help, you can change anything. Yes, sometimes life hands you lemons. There is nothing you can do about it, you got lemons. But don’t let those lemons sour your attitude. Your life doesn’t suck, and God doesn’t hate you. God just has a different challenge for you, and God thinks you can do it. So, accept the lemons, maybe you can even learn something about those lemons, and then pray to God that with His help you will find a way to make some delicious lemonade.

I’d like to close with a du’a. This is from the last ayah of Surah 2, Al Baqarah.

Our Lord! Do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake. Our Lord! Do not load on us a severe test as You did burden on those before us. Our Lord! Do not impose upon us that which we have not the strength to bear; and pardon us and forgive us and have mercy on us, You are our Defender, so help us against the ungrateful  people.

Rabbana la tu’akhizna in-nasina aw akh-ta’na. Rabbana wa la tahmil ‘alayna isran kama hamaltahu ‘ala-llatheena min qablina. Rabbana wa la tuhammilna ma la taqata lana bih, wa- ‘fu ‘anna wa ‘ghfirlana warhamna anta Maulana fansurna ‘alal-ghawmil kafirin.

Ameen.